Sitting here in front of a blank page on the screen considering what a politics sated readership might want to read after our election weekend.
Something completely different perhaps to excite and stimulate jaded senses.
Then sometimes you just get lucky.
Somehow a window in the cosmos open a tiny crack in the space-time continuum and into my inbox dropped the script for a BBC news script.
I won’t trouble with you the maths behind Minkowski Space as the continuum is known but my interesting brush with this Einsteinian theory of special relativity meant there was something very unusual with my newly acquired script.
It is dated 30 December 2017.
Of course, I immediately assumed it was an internet scam.
But then noted that I’d sent it to myself. Of course, my future self would know that I was desperate for some new material or a good idea for a column.
And brilliantly (even though I say so myself) worked out how to email back to the past. If others work out how to do this, it would make things very unstable.
This potential instability is known as ‘The Grandfather Paradox’ which is a paradox of time travel in which inconsistencies emerge through changing the past. The example being that a time traveller travels back in time and kills their own grandfather before the conception of their own parent. Thereby making it impossible for that individual to have done the deed. Even though they did.
Once I was certain that what I now had the genuine article I had to consider the ethics and risks of releasing this information to you dear reader of news from the future.
Then I considered the time and being well past bedtime have simply cut and pasted some of the juicier and relevant titbits. I’ve kept the sports results to myself as though not a gambler I’m finding the temptation too hard to resist. A certain bet I believe is the term.
Opening today’s news, President Trump having declared that North Korea would have complete and utter devastation followed by further punishments that would make the devastation look like a friendly gift has now surprisingly agreed to Kim Jong-un’s invitation to a wrestling match where the winner takes all. Both men are fans of big time wrestling and pundits have Trump as firm favourite given Kim’s weak ankles and inability to stand unsupported. But then everyone thought Tyrion Lannister, the dwarf character in Game of Thrones would lose all his fights.
Prime Minister Boris Johnson has declared that a wall will be built between the Republic of Ireland and Northern Ireland seen as the European Union are playing hardball over the Brexit negotiations. He wants the Europeans to pay for it. He has also threatened the Scots with resurrecting Hadrian’s Wall but that ploy may have backfired as Nicola Sturgeon welcomed the move.
And in New Zealand a surprising result from the long drawn out negotiations following their election in September. All the minor parties were quite content to coalesce with either of the two major parties but refused to be in that coalition with any of the other minor parties making coalition governments of either the centre left or centre right impossible.
In frustration, the two main parties, National and Labour have formed a government with 85% of the seats in the parliament and have set about with their common goal of transforming that small nation into the country that the rest of the world will shortly envy and admire.